In Bloom: A young woman re-examines what caring for her sister truly means

What first made its appearance through hushed whispers this January, COVID-19 is now settling in for the winter months, as major cities still struggle to cope some ten months later. Our shoulders have curled under the weight of continuous (and avoidable) loss as the marginalized, and most vulnerable, continue to bear the brunt of negligent leaders.  

In Montréal, those with family members in long-term care facilities wonder what this means for their loved ones. For 24 year old Aminata, a vibrant, young student and ethical fashion enthusiast, her fears of possibly losing her younger sister, Yebhe, have lulled her and her mother to bed each night since March. Now 20, Yebhe was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy at birth, and has lived in long-term care facilities for most of her life. Not only has this diagnosis affected her oral and motor skills, but it has limited her brain capacity to that of a toddler. 

Back in March, Aminata recalled, there was very little time to understand the severity of COVID, much less make the proper adjustments to help her sister cope with the time they would now have to spend apart. As the first wave ravaged the elderly who lived under similar accommodations as her sister, her first thought was simply, death. “[Yebhe] is disabled, and immune sensitive, with respiratory issues. She is the perfect victim”, Aminata thought. Though this realization made the early stages of lockdown virtually unmanageable, she found solace in remembering that the statistics have always been against her sister; she was never even supposed to live beyond the age of eight. As she puts it, “[Yebhe] always beat the numbers and she’ll do it again! Besides, she’s in the best care, right?”

“Back in March, Aminata recalled, there was very little time to understand the severity of COVID, much less make the proper adjustments to help her sister cope with the time they would now have to spend apart.”

Though Aminata has always taken on the role of a second parent, she has been forced to relinquish all  control to those within the medical field—a challenging adjustment for someone known to spend nights sleeping alongside her sister to ensure she maintained a healthy sleep schedule. But as families scrambled to abide by government issued mandates and citywide closures, health care professionals were also trying to make sense of the fast-spreading virus. 

In the first few weeks after the global pandemic was announced, registered nurse, Sherssery Anum, remembered an air of blissful naivety as long-term care patients who had tested positive for COVID-19 began being transferred to her much smaller and specialized facility. “No one comes to work thinking they’re going to lose patients”, she said. However, within the quick span of a few days, they were already at full capacity and nurse Anum knew that things were much worse than was let on. “Some days, you’d come in and you’d lose 4-5 patients in just a few hours. It was painful and discouraging and families were left with questions we didn’t always have the answers for,” she recalled. 

“[Aminata] found solace in remembering that the statistics have always been against her sister; she was never even supposed to live beyond the age of eight.”

These families included those like Aminata and her mother who were left at the mercy of doctors and nursing staff who were overworked and grossly understaffed. “The government provided outlets for the elderly to make sure they were able to talk about their depression and remain active, but nothing similar was done for the disabled,” Aminata shared, in obvious frustration. To assist, nurses began to modify and realign their roles to fit the needs of the patients under their care. Family members began to exchange contact numbers with the staff for facetime calls before bed “[as] it was important that they were able to speak to family to not feel so alone…so we became their surrogate family by also catering to their physical and mental needs”, nurse Anum admitted.

In reflection, the more time Aminata was forced to spend away from her sister, the easier it was for her to recognize the reset that began to take shape within her. After spending much of her life catering to the needs of both her mother and sister, she was now forced to pause and turn her attention inwards. With a mother often preoccupied with the needs of a disabled sibling, Aminata had always been an advocate of self-love. But, in the midst of a pandemic, for the first time, self-love was now pertinent for her self-preservation. She believed that if she didn’t pour into herself, she would have nothing left for her sister when things normalized. She professed, “I have to take care of me, in order to be strong enough to take care of her.” 

Consequently, Aminata was not the only one finding space to bloom in the face of calamity. In the time spent away from her mother and sister, Yebhe began to discover her own autonomy. No longer were days without calls the cause of severe breakdowns as Yebhe now had the time and space to explore new relationships. She detached from codependency and flourished within the bonds she made with the other patients and staff members around her. For the first time in two decades, Yebhe stepped away from needing the protection of her family, and in turn, she was able to provide them with the reassurance they needed to continue on. 

“In reflection, the more time Aminata was forced to spend away from her sister, the easier it was for her to recognize the reset that began to take shape within her.”

Their mother instilled in them the importance of community and incorporating family into their daily lives. Yet, before COVID-19, Aminata conceded that centering the needs of her family often eclipsed her own. By seeing her sister thrive under the most challenging circumstances, Aminata was able to establish a new and healthier relationship with herself and, by extension, her family in accepting that the weight of everyone’s world did not need to be placed solely on her shoulders. Instead, a newer and more resilient Aminata was able to wrap herself in vulnerability and find warmth within the redefinition of self-love, amid turmoil. 

Miraculously, through the impenetrable love of family, Yebhe and Aminata are now able to forge new paths for survival, to defy the odds together, and to find the faith to bloom.